“Grief and the unseen scars”

I know-I know… It’s been a long time since I have been to my blog and written!  I have told myself I am gonna make more time to follow up on this act!  Hopefully I can hold to that, lol

Well, for a week now I have let the scars show that are usually hidden. As a grieving Mother we have to take the mask off at times and just let it all out. We keep in so much love, memories, questions, loneliness and the know that GRIEF is forever! My daughter was born on Tues., Aug. 2, 1988 and now she is forever 19. On Tues., Aug 7, 2007 she was found in a pool at a home, after being left there in the water for over 12hrs.  April was a swimmer since she was 2, oh how she loved the water. We took are kids to the lake on weekends boating and tubing. I have so many questions on how she could have drowned with 3 other people there that say they thought she left….even though her car, purse, phone and keys were still there?? Make sine to you-not to me. Even after a trial we have young people that just say “I don’t know” and that is all I have. Except their is a Judge named God and one day they will answer to Him and He knows…

I have turned this over to God. But during this time of year I am still human and my emotions of grief take over which is natural even being a child of God.  He lent me a beautiful daughter to be a Mom to for 19yrs. I am so Blessed to have been able to do that and have that love that will never go away. I have the Hope God promises me of Eternity in Heaven and that is when all the Grief Scars will be gone. These are scars not seen by others. Only the Bereaved Parent knows of these scars that run so deep and wide. To rid of theses scars will be a Blessed Day~

Heavenly Father-Thank you Jesus for loving me and giving Grace that I can share from your love for me. Jesus give me strength to be able to study your word with others as a Christian and to continue to grow. To fellowship with others to share your All Mighty Name.  Through your words we speak with those that don’t know you name. I pray that you use me for this purpose and others will come to except you as their Father, Jesus Christ into their hearts. I think you my sweet Jesus for all you give to us. I am a blessed daughter of the King…In Jesus name I pray~

To be shown God’s love and also to show God’s love is an Awesome feeling!!  When you look at the picture with the hands of women that are broken and hurting but have come together to share and show the love that God has shown to each of them.  To lean upon one another as we lean upon God, is a feeling like no other!   

Prayer…changes everything!  Reach out and open your heart to God and to others.  God knows and hears every word that comes from us.  Pray throughout each day, start with prayer and end your day with prayer.  Let God show you His #perfect love!

“My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord.  My heart and my flesh cry out for the Living God”~  Psalm 84:2

Blessings,

Cindy M~

Grieving Mother’s come together to show their love~

~Prayer Changes Everything~

“2012”

Well, it’s 2012 and I am going to try this one more time… Hopefully I will keep it up this year!! I am turning this year over to the Father and letting him guide me in the direction He wants me to go. I need more of Jesus in my life and to be able to serve Him as he leads.
I want to draw deeper into my prayer life and share with my Sisters in Christ. I will take one day at a time and hope you can join me as we can grow together and share the words of our Savior with others~ Happy New Year to you all~

Prayer~

Remembering…

Digital slideshow made with Smilebox

Agape Love~

I want to  first of all say a BIG “Thank You” to Lysa and the P31 Team for the great gifts of Agape Love they show each day by putting their heart and soul into all that they do.

CONGRATS to the winners of the “She Speaks” Scholarships that they were able to give out to 4 very talented and worthy Sister’s in Christ.  I know it had to be a hard choice to make for the team and I praise them for the strength to be able to pray, listen and let God call those that are called to be at this meet.

I have to say that I was so excited to get to my computer this morning not really thinking that I won, but excited to see who did!! Lysa, You and the P31 Team are awesome!! Thank you and the one’s that give the scholarships.  This is such a great way to serve our Lord and those that are being called to learn to spread their stories, love and to serve Him.

God has a plan and when the time is right, well that is when each of us will attend. We have to Trust and Obey…   I am going to read the blogs that won and I pray for these ladies to be able to grow in ways that only God can nourish them and that the Holy Spirit will fill their hearts.

We are all called to live God’s plan as he has intended for us to when he we are called according to his will.   That is what is so wonderful and at the same time hard for our human nature about this life we live now, we have to Trust and Obey, and it is new each day…

Congrats again to the winners of the “She Speaks” Scholarships!!!!     A big thank you also to Kimberly Dawn for the beautiful photo I posted today!

 

Blessings,

Cindy~

 

 

 

Why “She Speaks”…

“She Speaks”…

Speaking about our journeys of life can be important and helpful to others.  Even though our stories may not be ones that are all considered “a bed of roses” there are others that want to know that they are not alone during their seasons of life.  Our lives can be shared with others as we tell of  the darkest of the valley and the brightness at the top of mountain.  Sharing the love and gentleness of our Savior Jesus Christ and how He leads me to follow the plan that He has for me is a gift I can share.

It’s been 3 an a half years since I loss my youngest daughter at the age of 19 in a drowning incident.  I can tell you that the reason I am able to get through each day is by the grace of God and the strength He gives to me.  I can’t say this journey has been easy or that it is over, but I can say that I have grown in my faith and that God brings me peace.  As always, He never leaves me alone.

She Speaks is led by Godly women using their lives to train others to help spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  They share their personal journey and God’s unconditional love to teach others so they will be able to do the same.  To be able to attend such an amazing conference and learn to apply words the from the Father into the trials of my life and to share Hope with others, well I have to say I would be blessed beyond measure.  A blessing that I could use to pass along as I grow stronger as I learn to speak to those that need to hear.

 

^“ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future.”         Jeremiah 29:11

 

Blessings friends,

Cindy

 

~Dreams~

You know as young teenage girls we all had our dreams of what life could be… Well, for me I wanted what I thought was the American Dream!   To be married to the love of my life, have a house full of kids and to be a stay at home Mom that taught Sunday School!!!  What a dream huh?  Not unrealistic at all, or so I didn’t think.  I guess at the age of 19 I didn’t know how to put those dreams into motion.  Here I was pregnant first, then married to someone I did love but that was emotionally and physically abusive and I was not in church!  Life seem to spiral out of control like “forever” it seemed… By the age of 21 I was raising my husband’s 6yr old daughter that I adore to this day, had a 17mth old daughter, a new-born son and unfaithful husband.  Talk about partially shattered dreams!  This is when I began to pray… I was saved and I wanted all that Christ had for me, but I just didn’t know how to let it all take place.  I was always a care taker of some sorts and wanted to fix everything and everyone, but who did I think I was?  This was just one season of my journey in life.  There was so much more to come and face…

I was reminded of all of that as I woke this morning to the sound of rain and thoughts of past times and how Jesus knew my plan before I was ever born.  I spent most of my life just trying to fix each day and get through it, when all I had to do was rely on my Lord and Savior.  I guess some of us are stubborn and know what we should do, but can’t seem to give in to letting go of things. 

Now I wake to days like today and say “Lord today is yours and I am here for you and your will to be done”.  I know that whatever today brings that Jesus is ALWAYS right here with me to guide me along or to catch me if I fall.  No matter the circumstance that He gives to me, that I can handle with his help.  We don’t all live out our childhood dreams but instead go through life learning and growing as we battle each trial that God puts in front of us. 

Our life here on this earth is a Journey that we should embrace and treasure every memory.  And one day we will have that chance at our REAL DREAM-the REAL PLAN…to enter into the Heavens of Eternity with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior FOREVER!!  Oh, what a glorious day that will be!  All dreams come true…

 For I know the plans I have for you, “declares the Lord,” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you Hope and a Future.     Jeremiah 29:11

 

Blessings,

Cindy~

 

GET RID OF EXCUSES AND GET DESIRE!!! CRAVE GOD!!!

I have started this wonderful study along with thousands of “Jesus Girls” and I am loving it… www.madetocrave.org  – by Lisa TerKeurst The webcast are GREAT and so inspiring. So much information that we can not only use to try to drop a few pounds but to learn to be in the center of God’s Will. to be in the center of God’s will, Lisa states to do 3 things:

~Be Joyful
~Be Prayerful
~Be THANKFUL

Can’t wait to continue to read, watch Lisa’s webcast, shed some pounds and more than anything…CRAVE GOD more and more and more!!!

Blessings,
Cindy~

~The Calm~

I had a wonderful time this Friday night when a few of April’s friends came to visit and have dinner with Rick and  I.  We love it when they visit!  It brings back wonderful memories and also let’s me know that she had good friends that love and miss her so much… I miss having April and her friends hanging out in our home.  I really miss my baby girl so, so much… But am blessed for special times in the future like we had this past Friday night with her friends!!

 

It’s time for verse #2 of the Beth Moore SSMT for 2011!  This is going to be an incredible year if I can memorize 24 new bible verses, do the “Made to Crave” bible study, read the Chronological One Year Bible and then to read all the books I have bought!!! lol

~But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”~

~Exodus 14:13-14 NLT

Just stay calm…. I have learned these past few years that things happen for a reason even if we don’t understand what those reason are at the time.  I have also learned that all I can do is dig deeper into the word of Jesus and that things work out for the best if we abide in what he says and in the way he leads us.  
“It is what it is and that we have to take it a day at a time.”

A look at a few of my books I have to look forward to this year…. 🙂   Still waiting on my “Made to Crave” by Lisa TerKeurst!!

Tomorrows Sorrows~

As I pulled myself from bed this morning and poured my cup of coffee, I felt I like I was hit with a ton of bricks…the “D” word was all over me ~ DEPRESSION!! It was raining and cloudy and my anxiety was there.  I went to my chair, then to my couch and then this afternoon finally to my bed for a nap.  Thank God for my wonderful husband that stands by me on these days.  He had cooked a wonderful dinner and woke me up to eat when it was ready.  I am so blessed to have him…

Tomorrow is a day with attorneys and depositions in my daughter’s case.  We lost April, my youngest daughter that had just turned 19,  in August of 2007 in a drowning incident.   That was the day my life as I knew it ended.  Nothing has been the same.  I can say my life with Jesus has grown more than I could have ever imagined.  For my Lord is the one that carries me through these days of utter depression and  loneliness.   Today reminded me of what I have read and been told many times: to turn it over to God!  That is sure easier said than done. 

I wanted to share this sweet poem from a little book a dear friend gave to me that was written by Helen Steiner Rice…

 

Let Go and Let God!

When youre troubled and worried

and sick at heart

And your plans are upset,

Remember God’s ready

and waiting to share

 the burden you find much too

heavy to bear-

So with Faith let go and let God

lead the way

Into a brighter and less troubled day…

WOW, if only I could  learn to just turn it all over……. I know eventually I can.  I have learned a lot in the past 3.5 years since my world was turned upside down and inside out.  It has been through prayer and leaning on God.  Knowing that God is ALWAYS there and He is the same Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow!

As my faith continues to grow each day, I will continue to live my life for my Savior as He gave his life for me…

Blessings,

Cindy M~

HAPPY NEW YEAR~2011

“Special Moments”~

2011~ First thing in the mornings is my perfect time for those special moments alone with God and to enjoy my coffee…  What better way to start off the new year than to join in Beth Moore’s “Siesta Scripture Memory Team” as we all learn 24 new verses for this year!!  How exciting to be joining thousand from all over as we grow closer to God.  My 1st verse for this year is Psalm 51:10~”Create in me a clean heart, O’ Lord, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”   Check out her site in the post below.

 I hope you can join me as I become closer to my Savior this year and grow as a servant… 

Blessings, Cindy